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want
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-Swami Sivananda
The source of love is deep in us and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring that person joy.
You,youself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
(Photo I took from a trail in Red River Gorge, Kentucky)
The mystery of our mind battling our heart.
I realized shortly after my meditation retreat that being in a more peaceful state of mind that when asked, what do you want to talk about, I had nothing to offer up. I was in a very happy place, and for awhile was content that I didn’t necessarily want to talk but eventually it began to bother me. I felt it was disconnecting me from my friends. I am having a hard time balancing knowing that I still need time to go within myself, and seeing how the outside world makes itself happy through others. I know that comparing things causes suffering, but it is difficult when I see it happen on a daily basis around me in the world. I want to be in a loving caring relationship, and I want to be with friends that are just as interested in me as I them. I also know that desire also causes suffering. I feel deserving of these things, but I know no one, no drink, no drug, nothing can make me happy other than myself. I know that happiness comes from within, and when it happens through some other means that pleasure slowly dissolves back into pain. Rather than feeling from the inside just how beautiful and loving the world is just as it is, that kind of happiness is pure and blissful. The more aware of my thoughts, my cycles, and that I am responsible for all my suffering, the easier its become to stick with my practices. I still from time to time want to attach onto a friend and rant to them in full detail about my suffering because I know that is the comforting thing to do, but I know it just makes me feed back into the cycle of my painful thoughts. I’ve begun to try to talk about my thoughts in a more impartial way, but still feel stuck when I’m caught back into the cycle. I want to get close to friends, especially when they keep saying I’m hear to help, but feel I still need to do it on my own. It is in our darkest times, when the last thing we want to do is meditate, that we should practice and it is the best thing I have done for myself in a long while. I don’t want to become dependent again on needing that, in the end, attention that I get from it. I’m working on equanimity so that my heart will be full of love to bring to anyone who needs it. There will be times where my heart will close, and that’s okay because I know it’ll reopen again that much more brighter and fuller the more patience and love I give myself. Sometimes our minds will be like an ocean of samsara, but once we are able to calm those waters while becoming still the water clears and becomes calm; a little nod to Sogyal Rinpoche. My practices in meditation and chanting has been a blessing in my life, and I want to be able to share that happiness with as many people as I can. To make another smile with just a smile is an amazing thing.
“The source of love is deep in us and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring that person joy.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
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Shiva Space Technology - Aumega
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